I wish I could punch you in the face.
420 ftw
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Randomize
