i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
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