like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
