Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
