I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
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