So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
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