When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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