At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Randomize
