my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Randomize
