first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
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