im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Randomize