I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
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