Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
