i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
Found the puke drawer
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize
