Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
When are your genitals available?
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Randomize
