I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
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