Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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