just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
