Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Randomize
