Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
