he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Randomize
