Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize
