Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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