I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Randomize
