Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Randomize
