How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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