Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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