My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Randomize
