Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
Randomize
