i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
I'm bleeding and have questions
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
