im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize