Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
