do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
