oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
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