Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize