am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Randomize
