I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
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