I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
