Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
she told me i tasted like america
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
But break dance skills will only take you so far
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
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