he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
