so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
