he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
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