i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
Randomize
