i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
