so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
Threesome in a minivan. New low
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
