I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
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