I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
I supernannyed him into submission
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Randomize
