his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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