Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
