OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
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