just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
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