So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
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