they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
