you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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