That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize
