So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
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