Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Randomize
