I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Randomize
