She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
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