Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
