your room smells of hookers.
And success
1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
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