Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
