I wish you could order shots online.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
