If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
