I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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