I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Randomize
