IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
My vagina just recognized that song.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Randomize
