i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
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