Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize
