Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
