HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize