i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
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